On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”
The kid replies, “Yeah.”
The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.”
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”
Humoring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.”
The kid continued, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.”
Guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove it. Finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him.
The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.
The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.
The doctor then says to him: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The man is very confused but does as he’s told.
The patient and the doctor repeat this process for 5 days. On the sixth day, the doctor tells the patient: Tomorrow bring two bananas but instead of a Snickers bar, bring a mallet. The patient is again confused but does as he’s told.
The next day the doctor inserts both bananas up the guy’s butt and quickly grabs the mallet and waits.
All of the sudden, the tapeworm pops out saying : Hey! Where’s my Snickers bar?
WHAM!!!!