man caught cheating gets away with the other two women

Two guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.

So one man says to his friend, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through."

He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.

He replies, "One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why don't you go talk to them?"

So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.

When he gets back, his friend asks,"Now what happened?"

To this he replies, "Small world."

Guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove it. Finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him.

The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.

The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.

The doctor then says to him: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The man is very confused but does as he’s told.

The patient and the doctor repeat this process for 5 days. On the sixth day, the doctor tells the patient: Tomorrow bring two bananas but instead of a Snickers bar, bring a mallet. The patient is again confused but does as he’s told.

The next day the doctor inserts both bananas up the guy’s butt and quickly grabs the mallet and waits.

All of the sudden, the tapeworm pops out saying : Hey! Where’s my Snickers bar?

WHAM!!!!

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.

You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells" . Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carols".